The peek inside a confident, seemingly happy and stress-free 24 year old Seattle girl. I want to share with you what I have in my heart and head that I can't share with anyone else. Will you be there to listen to my heart beat and stand beside me?
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Tonight was the same as many nights.
I got home from school after one of my finals. I had a full, long day. It started with a dentist appointment where I learned I need about $2K worth of work done, a half day at work with out a single customer and then a full night at school for my final practical.
Last thing I want to do is come home to a house with a sink full of dishes that weren’t there before, a mess on the table and a boyfriend that just doesn’t care.
I normally have no problem with bf zoned out on the xbox and not hearing a word I say. I normally don’t throw a fit or get upset when I try to talk and he has no interest.
I DO have a problem when I work and go to school and get no help with the house because of that stupid fucking xbox. I DO have a problem when I’m asked about my day out of habit and not interest.
I know I should just let it go but it just sucks to not have the support I crave or need. It just sucks to know that a game is more interesting than me.
I suppose this is just the way life goes? I suppose I should just be thankful that I still get a peck on the lips. I suppose I should be content with a hand on my back for a few minutes while falling asleep.
But I’m not happy with it. I want more and I feel like I deserve more. I want someone to be truly interested in my day and how I did. I want someone to be my cheerleader and be supportive. I want to feel a deep passionate kiss again. I want to fall asleep in someones arms instead of facing their back. I want someone to spend time doing new and exciting things with me.
I have brought this all up and nothing has changed. I do get a bit more help around the house but really, nothing has changed.
And I won’t do anything about it.
I’ll just sit here and deal.
And with each new issue, a building block of resentment will be cemented down in my heart.
Eventually it will either be blown apart by the bf making an attempt or it will be blown apart by my heart not being able to handle it any longer.
I can feel it getting heavier and I don’t want to know what comes next.
